Chapter 4 is all about cheating, this is about how the cheater feels about themselves rather than about you. Know your worth!
As mentioned on the first blog, I wrote this book with scenarios I had been through and what I had learnt from each one. A majority of the time, these scenarios happen, not because of you but because of the person who has created the situation. When we find out someone we trusted with our heart and our whole being has betrayed us and especially when it comes to cheating, our emotions don't quite register what has happened or even what we have just heard and we hope it isn't true. The worst part is when we find out via a third person or the person our so called loved one cheated on us, with.
First it's anger, and then it's sadness, resentment, we trail through our memory bank over the last few months, even years and start to pick signs or conversations we've had where we may have missed something vital. Not only do we do that, we ask ourselves is there something else we could have done within the relationship, was it enough? Am I enough? What should I have done to make it better? Why did I miss the signs and it goes on and on in a vicious cycle.
The worst part is when you ask your 'significant other' why, where, who, what, when? Their facial expression is usually vacant, they're in disbelief not because you're asking them about it, but usually because they have been caught, where they thought they could have their cake and eat it, and no-one would ever know!!!!
Well, let's start to look into why they did what they did, and believe me I'm not making any excuses for them, in fact I want you to not blame yourself. You can be the nicest person on earth and do everything right, give them the security, and with that they will tell the 'third wheel' how horrible you are to them and how badly you treat them, also that intimacy is low on your list and how you ignore them. You could be a horrible person too, but that doesn't bother them. It's more about the insecurity they have within themselves, due to this they feel they have to have attention from someone else, someone putting them on a pedestal, telling them how great they are and what it means to be with them.
It's also the excitment of being with someone else and the danger, getting away with it at the same time while you're at home keeping the nest warm.
This is my take on it so you may disagree, however my question to you is what is your next move? Do you feel you can work through it, even if you were to see a relationship counsellor? Remember it won't be easy, your relationship won't be the same and gaining trust is tough, you don't want to be looking over your shoulder 24/7. Do what is right for you and no-one else and remember YOUR WORTH, AS YOU ARE ENOUGH!
Check out how Sophia handled it in chapter 4 of Life, Love and Libido's
Click here for the last blog in this series, Self-discovering the BIG 'O'.