Chapter 3 is based on toxic relationships, does this sound familiar to you?
Missed the second blog? Click here for The menopause.
It's usually someone else who notices when someone is in a toxic relationship. You don't want to believe them, you think your partner is being endearing when they expose your faults in order for you to not keep repeating them, or telling you that dress doesn't look good on you when you're going out with your friends. They treat you to a shopping spree but with a budget and then have the audacity to tell you what you can and can't wear. They would be telling you to stop outside a store because they don't want to be seen with you or you're a liability and as they're spending money on you, you feel an obligation to do as they say.
After so many 'put downs' , it becomes second skin and as you're used to it, your mind and body absorbs this negative energy while your partner plays 'the victim', basically it's all about them. No-one really knows what goes on behind closed doors and as you become the furniture and fixtures, every time you want to go out, they throw some emotional blackmail tantrum or threaten to do something stupid so you end up changing your plans. They start to ensure you don't have time with your friends and family. You feel drained, isolated, you've put yourself second and your health starts to deteriorate while your partner laughs at you and tells you to 'be positive'. Your independance goes out the window and as they start to co-depend on you, you've had to even turn down your business opportunites, therefore losing monies...until someone has noticed the way you look, the way you are, and starts to listen, helps you and gradually you WAKE UP!
Now the next bit is the hardest (and don't I just know it). It's time to break free, realisation and a loss of identity is tough and you are in limbo. Nothing is familiar anymore and on top of that you have to work on yourself, but where do you start and who do you trust?
Check out Nikki's journey in chapter 3 when she meets Jay in Life, Love and Libido's. Also, my take on it and where you can get help. Remember, mental abuse is a criminal offence as is physical abuse.
Click here for the next blog covering chapter 4, cheating.